Can't I just Finish Things?

When it comes to personal projects, It feels like I just can't get anything done. I start something, get halfway through, and then 95 % of the time, I just abandon it.

I have done a lot of thinking over why this is. I always deliver my work finished and on time. Whether it is for a collaborative or for my job,  I never seem to have the same problem finishing things. I know that laziness isn't an issue for me, so what is it? What is stopping me from getting my ideas out and done? I have put so much time in my work, only to let dozens of personal projects disappear in a digital twilight zone. 

Why Can't I get it Done? 

Focus: 

When I am at work, its easy to stay focused. I have a list of tasks and a set of goals I want to complete each day, I am pretty dedicated to hitting all of my deadlines and making sure my work meets expectations, but when it comes to my personal life, I can't seem to do it, I start something, but I don't know exactly where I am going with it, I don't know how long it will take, I don't have a solid direction, and I don't have a deadline. I don't feel like I have to hold myself accountable when I am only working for me, and after working on a project, I tend to loose interest in it- or I begin to hate it so I jump over to something else. 

Usefulness : 
I think this could be one of the reasons I never seem to get any of my own work done. I love being useful. I think I am addicted to it. Nothing seems to drive me more than helping and working with others and I will drop everything to do it.  As a person, I like  being helpful. I go out of my way to share what I know, to assist where I can and to influence others, even if it means sacrificing some of my own personal time. After doing a review of a dozen on my personal projects, I think I dropped about 8 of them when I got too busy in projects I volunteered for.

Free Time: 

Personal time is great because it gives you time as an artist, to explore other areas, try new things or hone skills you already have, but for me, I feel a certain creeping anxiety when I have too much free time to do whatever I want. For me, most of my free time comes on the weekends, but so do all of my other "obligations", like cleaning, catching up on housework, bills and the sort. I also spend a considerable amount of my time researching things related to work. This is great because I am learning stuff and I am growing, but my portfolio isn't reflecting that.

Confidence : 

There are a ton of projects that I have started and just haven't polished because I am just not happy with them. They are good, but they aren't great. I always feel like there is something that I can fix to make it better. I think as a production artist, you learn pretty quickly that the assets that are considered "done" for production could still use some extra love, and for me, Its a lot harder to have that sort of mentality for my personal work. When things are done, but non phenomenal, I just don't have to confidence to render and share them. 

How to Fix it : 

1.) Hold myself accountable

I want to begin to hold myself accountable by setting small goals for myself. I think one of the ways that I can do this is by shareing updates to my personal work, even if they aren't done. I thnik that this is a good way for me to keep taking baby steps forward on my personal work, and keep building my portfolio outside of what I do at my job. 

2.) Get involved online : 

I think something else I can do to help me to finish some of my projects, is getting involved with online communities. I have researched a few places that I can go to to post my work and to also receive feedback. I love getting critiqued as it helps me to grow and to develope my work beyond in directions I might not have thought of. I also think that getting involved online will help me to feel more engaged with my personal projects I I will be recieving feed back from others and helping artists like me in these communities as well. 

3.) Publish Things in Steps: 

If my projects are "done" there is no harm in publishing them. As a surfacing and lighting generalist, its hard to feel like any of my work is done until it is textured and lit in an environment. All of that can take a lot of time, especially when I start from scratch with models. I want to start publishing things when they are done in their initial stages  ( Sculpted/Modeled , Textured / Surfaced, Lit. They great thing about personal work is you don't have to deliver everything at once! You can develop things in steps and build on them! Your portfolio will only grow! 

Goals : 

Starting this coming Sunday, I will start to publish WIP posts here on my blog. The posts will detail what I worked on with before and after images, my goals and my thoughts,

I will also start posting my work to pixologic forums for my sculpts to get them out of the detailing stages and into the Surfacing lighting stages!

Its time to get some of my personal work out there!